I bet you think this blog is about you...

I used to believe that my biggest fear was (as cliché as it sounds) failure. And don’t get me wrong, I still fear failing.

But being irrelevant? Perish the thought!

When I’m gone I want people to remember me, for a long time.

Remember what I did, remember what I wanted to do and didn’t do. Remember why I felt so passionate about my family, my future, my career and just anything I have an opinion on. And I hope they can relate.

When I’m gone I would hate to just ‘go’ and leave no trace of my existence. I want to write books and novels, and poetry in my name. I want my words and thoughts to inspire lots of people, and I want them to quote me!

“I have always believed that “enter a random inspirational thought here” said so by Lorenzo Morales has provided a baseline for comparison within my life”

I want that.

I want to leave a footprint.

October 07, 2009, 4:56pm

I was up by 5.30. Well not really ‘up’ in the sense that I woke up, I just had enough of sitting around doing remedial tasks, like organising my cd collection at night.

I washed my face, and went on a run. It felt good to run. The further I ran away from what was familiar, the more I felt like I was running from my problems you know? I really didn’t want to come back. I ran for like an hour, sat down in the park for like another hour. Went to the gym for 2 hours.

I didn’t want to come back. I really didn’t.

I contemplated running away. Seriously contemplated running to a town up north where I could just start again. I would leave my phone and my computer. And just cut off all communication. I thought about it in a moment of rashness. I started thinking of re-inventing myself. Then I put the idea to bed, for now anyway. I’m not running without my son. Then we can go. Maybe. Possibly. Probably.

After the gym I was so pumped, full of adrenaline I couldn’t control, I channelled it to run back home. The closer I came, the further my mood dragged down again I realized just how much I hate things. I walked through the door and started cleaning, fiendishly cleaning everything. The bathroom, the mirrors, the living room, my bedroom everything. I just didn’t want memories.

I’ll probably collapse out of lack of energy at any time. But right now I just feel like a cynical old man.

October 03, 2009, 8:19am